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REAL Ways to Get Your Sex-Life Back!

It happens to everybody… Love seems to “wear out” and our partner does not experience the same emotions toward us as they once did. Or, does it really?

So, what in the world is going on here? Did the feelings really die?

And the answer is: NO, they didn’t!

They are buried! Under layers of life’s challenges and frustrations!

All the misunderstandings that came up as a result of just living life, drove your further and further apart…

Most people don’t handle their frustrations quietly. They NEED to release tension and anger upon somebody, and since you are the closest person to them, you end up being the easiest target for mistreatment.

This is not an excuse, of course, but just a fact…

So, the first key to solving any relationship problem is to learn how to communicate without sounding offensive.

Yes, the other person may be totally wrong and cannot control himself or herself, but if you think for a second “outside this emotional roller-coaster”, you may actually find the RIGHT words to calm them down.

In order to keep your sanity, you need to remember that most people are self-centered and no one really says what he or she thinks. They don’t talk, their “body” talks…

What do I mean? People in pain (physically) don’t communicate the same way as they would in normal situations.

Whether hormones get out of hand (menstruation in women), or constipation, hunger, etc., all of this could create mood swings.

Sometimes we don’t realize what people are going through because we are not paying enough attention to them.

What to do? Realize that and try to be kind to it.

Of course, you don’t have to be a saint in your marriage, but if the other person DOESN’T abuse your kindness, a little understanding of this “human” situation will give you a big chance for a quick relationship recovery.

If you are struggling with your partner desiring you sexually, it may have nothing to do with either one of you and you may still be just in love as you once were (even though it doesn’t look like it).

So, let’s take a look at what is happening here:

  1. Things happen in life that we have no control over and they take over our emotions.
  2. Harsh feelings over a certain problem may “get stuck” in your heart and you can’t let go.

Anger is a type of emotion, that can “break” pretty much anything in our lives, and yes, unfortunately, it can break a relationship as well.  In fact, this applies to any relationship.

Get rid of “anger”, from ether side, and you will see how much your life (and sex life, of course) will change!

 

These emotions most of the time are unconscious and people sometimes don’t even realize that they have them. This is where a good marriage counselor can play a big role.

Of course, lack of sex in your relationship could also be due to a medical condition, but if that does NOT apply, the next thing to look at is your own and your partner’s inner feelings.

Did something happen recently to either one of you? Some kind of misfortune or an accident? It could be anything from:

  • Losing close friend
  • Fighting with relatives
  • Death in a family

You also need to take a look at things they may be struggling with as a family. They could be any of the following:

  • Financial problems
  • Kids misbehaving
  • Other obligations that neither one of you can handle

As they say: “If something doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger”, on the other hand, there could be so much PAIN (they may not show it though) that a person simply CANNOT handle it!

Are we all that strong? Not really, and not always… Can we do something about it? ONLY if you don’t immerse yourself in the emotion.

It’s “heartache” that will not go away until you do something about it. Yes, time heals, but it may not, and how long would that take anyway!!!???

Even a simple change (not simple for everybody, of course, but worth a try if you are really struggling), like changing a job if it’s really horrible and makes your feel empty inside, could lead to more happy and healthy relationship environment. Face the REAL PROBLEM, and you will find REAL a solution!

Now, let’s look into the “unhappiness sector” of your loved one. Your spouse may say that “everything is your fault”, but they don’t know any better and blame you for things that have nothing to do with you.

Instead of judging them, take a look at how they live and what they are going through. If there is some kind of PAIN involved (job, kids, parents, car accident, etc), the person may start feeling helpless and terrified of the whole situation on a really deep level.

As a result, they “change” quite a bit and may start being “cold” toward you.

Of course, there is not much you can do about this, but understanding what is going on will help YOU relax a bit and start looking for solutions.

Solution #1.

First, you definitely want to try to see if everything is NOT lost and you can rebuild the “sparkle” you once had! This means that you will have to do some digging and try to discover YOUR inner pains as well.

Talking to your spouse or a partner about it may not always work and they may even end up “deeper” in their “UNHAPPINESS PUZZLE”. It is not a bad idea to get your friends or family to talk to them, and if that doesn’t help, a good marriage counselor could help your out.

A counselor is the “outside” person that they may feel more comfortable with (in fact it is very common to hear very personal things from strangers since they don’t really care about you).

If you decide to take this route, make sure that your therapist specializes in couple (marriage) counseling.

Solution #2.

The next thing you may want to take a look at is your own happiness. After all, if you cannot handle it anymore, maybe it’s a good idea to let go before your health starts deteriorating…

Yes, sometimes it’s a problem if our “loved one” emotionally IGNORES us for quite a while because then we are starting to get totally cold about this relationship as well. This is especially true if infidelity was involved.

Here is some good information on how to cope with this one. If something doesn’t work (or you no longer want to make it work), maybe it’s better for both of you to move on!

Although it doesn’t mean that you have to hate your partner or spouse. A little kindness can go a long way…

Life is hard and not everyone can handle it well, so please be understanding

Yes, you probably feel hurt and lonely, but your heart is beating in harmony with the WHOLE Universe and you are a part of a lot larger plan than just any single relationship.

NOTHING in this world should disturb your inner peace and confidence! People come and go.

If you can’t help them, maybe someone else can…

Also, don’t be too shy to express your true feelings, but only do so ONLY around people that can handle it.

It may NOT be your spouse or partner at this moment, but a good friend, a total stranger, or a professional counselor could help you cope with the emotional part of the breakup.

Don’t feel bad or guilty for initiating a breakup due to the fact that you are a human being yourself and cannot handle too much pressure as well.

Live is an ever-changing scenery and you never what the future holds.

Regardless of how your spouse reacts, maybe they need some “time out” to learn how to cope with their feelings and handle their emotions properly. Let this situation NOT be an emotional breakdown, but an opportunity to grow for both of you.

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